My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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