Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
