Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
