Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
