My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
pray to the hookup gods
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
