Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
