Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
