It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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