She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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