covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
