tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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