Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
