I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
