How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He shit in the fireplace
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