It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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