I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they need to just BURY HIM!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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