Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
