You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
