I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
