I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
