saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
