i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
