I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
