Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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