'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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