I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
