I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
