I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
