Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
