i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
