she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
