Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
