I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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