I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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