I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
