Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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