I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
