how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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