you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
