ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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