ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
