Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
