FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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