I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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