I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
