ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
