I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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