also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
