I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
