You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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